Beneffectance
by Chickeon
Summary: Eleven years have gone by since Valen Dreth was incarcerated. He's waiting for the glory he deserves to come to him. He's waiting to be loved by the girl who betrayed him. He's waiting for everyone to realise that he's innocent. They call him a liar, but he knows he's right.


The familiar aches in my body never left me, no matter how many years I spent wasting away or taking abuse. Foolishly, I thought after the first few years, after the first few beatings, I'd get used to this, but after eleven years, a little over a decade of my life forcibly taken from me and spent in this hellhole, I still hurt as much as I did at the beginning of my sentence. Only difference between now and then, is that they don't need to restrain me. I'm too weak to fight them, and they use that against me, beating me for the slightest, or completely imagined, transgressions against them. I swear, they must get some sick pleasure from doing it, but I'm not surprised. That's what Imperials do: cage us and force us to be "civil." Out of all the prisons I could've been sent to, it was here, in the heart of the Empire, the Imperial City Prison. Couldn't have kept me somewhere closer to home, could they? There's plenty of serviceable prisons back in Vvardenfell, but they just had to rub their power in my face, didn't they? Oh wait, I know why they sent me here. I would've been treated better in Vvardenfell, and they couldn't let me have that. They hated me that much, and for what? What _they_ deemed a crime? I deserve better. Don't they know who I am? Don't they know who they're dealing with?

No. They _don't_. They _never_ will. No matter how many times I try to explain my side of the story, they never listen. They laugh at me, they remark to themselves and to others that its "Just Dreth being Dreth," that it's "in his nature to lie." They think I'm lying. _Lying!_ Bastards wouldn't know the truth if their Talos impaled them with it. They think they know what's best for me, what's best for _us,_ but they don't. If they did, they'd get their damn hands off of Morrowind. We Dunmer don't need someone to micromanage our every move. What do they think we are, savages? Oh wait, that's _exactly_ what they see us as. They justify taking us hostage based on twisted morality. If they're so intent on domesticating something, by don't they head south of Morrowind and try to whip some sense into those lizards? We can handle our own affairs without someone watching our every move. We don't need men that care nothing for our culture trying to control it.

I can hear a guard upstairs. I sit up, cringing and rubbing my eyes. Every morning, my eyes need to readjust to the light filtering in from the cell window across from my own. Averting my gaze from the light, my vision stops on something I had never seen before in there. A prisoner! Still asleep and thankfully not one of those beasts, but aside from those two details, I have no idea who they are. Still, the guards never put anyone in that cell. It has been empty for all of my time served here. What makes them so special? They probably weren't; the guards being as incompetent as they are probably forgot to put them somewhere else. Or, they're running out of space from the people they arrested for the pettiest of reasons. Whatever. I couldn't care less about who they threw in here. Crawling out of my bedroll and gritting my teeth from the pain ebbing from my limbs, I hoist myself onto my once-steady legs. Wonder what this s'wit did. Murder? Rape? Treason against the Empire? Imperials loved to capture people, but to be in my block, where I was kept solitary for years, they must've done something especially _terrible _to them. Or, the more realistic option, the person in front of me is a common criminal. They like to disrespect me like that, by keeping some pickpocket with me. But, since I didn't personally shine their boots with my tongue, I was less than guar dung in their eyes and would be kept with thugs and thieves. Don't they remember _why_ their favourite punching bag is in here? Don't they know what I'm capable of?

At least I remember it. I remember it clearly. What a lovely memory it is. To get rid of a pest like that, I was doing a service to us both. I knew that n'wah was forcing himself on her, but she was ungrateful after I saved her. Sweet Mirili Dralas never loved me, but for a year before my incarceration, I thought she was as smitten with me as I was with her. Her body is still a vivid figure in my mind, her face etched into memories that I fail to suppress. She was perfect for me, I was perfect for her, yet we were never meant to be. Initially, we talked about banal topics whenever we passed by each other, but I could tell she wanted more than smalltalk from me. It permeated the air around her, her desire for me, infecting every movement, every inflection of her voice. At the time, I knew she needed me, but was unable to say it. I thought nothing of that, since I lacked the nerve to tell her myself. It was our little secret. Or, as I learned later on, my own and mine alone.

I found out about her duplicity while I was watching her from afar, as I usually did. It had become routine at that point, to keep an eye on her while she was home. Could anyone blame me? She was a woman, living alone, who was friendly to thieves and beasts. Trouble was inevitable; I needed to be there when it started. So many hours I dedicated to her, outside her window and looking in, just to catch a glimpse of her. Several special times, I caught her undressing, oblivious to my presence. I'm surprised I had enough self-control to stop myself from breaking in and forcing her down on her bed. The thought of doing that to her, even now, excites me.

On that one fateful day, I was perched in my spot, under an invisibility potion, in the dry heat of a summer night. She arrived home later than usual, and from what I could hear, not alone. Perhaps some of her friends came home with her. She often came home with her friends, so I didn't mind it. However, listening into their conversation, the other voice was clearly not one of the sweet Dunmer maidens that made up her friend group. It was deep, masculine, imposing. A man, in her house. Maybe it was her father, or a brother of hers? That was a suitable answer, as she would never go after any other man aside from me. She would be stupid to. But, apparently she was stupid enough to do that, and not only was she stupid enough to pass up on a man like me, who was handsome, able-bodied, and willing to love her for the rest of my life, she denied me for an Orc. An _Orc! _I might've let any other Mer slide, I could've tolerated a Man, but me, Valen Dreth, tossed aside like trash so she can go and fuck a creature _barely_ a step above an animal…. I didn't believe it. She must've been taken advantage of, scared to fight back in fear for her life. As I saw the brute taking off her shirt, a fire lit itself within me. I had to do something.

It all happened so fast, yet I remember every single detail. I broke in through the window, the potion's effects wearing off as soon as I made contact with the glass. It cut my skin, but I was too livid, too high on my own adrenaline to care. I grabbed my dagger and slammed it into the pig's side before he had time to notice, jamming it deep within his sickly green flesh. It was exhilarating, my heart drumming wildly, a wash of exhilaration coming over me as I smiled. I couldn't stop smiling. The blood pouring out from him, the sound of his skin ripping as he whipped around: it felt orgasmic. No, better. Better than sex, better than drugs, _this_ was true pleasure. Looking back on it, I would've done it again without being under the assumption that whore loved me.

She screamed, the beast roaring as he ripped me away from him, leaving the dagger stuck inside. Mirili bolted from the room, leaving me and her attacker alone. I got up, ready for whatever attack the thing was going to throw back at me. Before he could hit me, I darted towards him, nabbing my knife from within him and shoving it back in elsewhere. The memory still makes my heart race. The blood, his cries, how my blade gleamed like the sky outside the broken window. The red of blood mixed with the orange glow of the sun reflecting off the dagger made it a near mirror image. He grabbed me as I yanked my knife out, throwing me hard against her dresser and running after her. Damn thing couldn't even fight back. What a coward, undeserving of her love.

Before I could fabricate an escape plan, I heard the sounds of greaves against stone, stamping closer, closer, until I came face-to-face with a few Imperials. Imperials, of all races. The one race that wouldn't have any sympathy for me, would rather take an outlander's side than mine, and would punish me the harshest. Could you blame me for trying to fight back? If I was going to be wrongfully incarcerated, it would be by my own kinsmen, not n'wahs! Armed only with my dagger, I fought them. I managed to land several good hits on them, getting the blade through the weaker parts of their armor and hopefully infecting them with whatever that Orc was diseased with, but I lost. The only reason I didn't best them is that I was outnumbered. If I could've fought each one alone, I would've won. But no. They couldn't win fights fairly if their lives depended on it, and how they caught me is proof of that.

My trial was quick. Said I was guilty of not only several counts of attempted murder, but Mirili had testified against me, saying I had stalked her for months. Stalked her! Bitch wouldn't know stalking even if she was the one doing it. Is keeping someone safe stalking them? Is watching out for them now considered a crime? I plead my case, trying to tell them I was acting in self-defense, but they wouldn't listen. And since I had attacked Imperial guards, it fell under _their_ jurisdiction. They sent me away from my homeland, away from my kin, away from that cheating bitch, and locked me here, in the Imperial Prison. Its been eleven years since.

Looking back, I regret none of it. And why would I? I'm innocent, and what do I get for defending someone? Eleven years in an inescapable shithole, far away from my home. I get to put up with guards that beat me, half-rotten food, and sleeping on the floor like a dog. They treat me like an animal while giving rights to those that are undeniably feral. They cage me and let those that _need _cages go out into the world. I was doing the world a service. No one would call me evil for stopping a rapist, yet here I am, in jail because I did. Eleven years of my life, wasted under the false pretense that I was acting out of malice. Not even Mirili could see my pure intentions, but neither could I see past her Dunmer facade. She may have been Dunmer, but under her skin, she's one of them, determined to undermine not only me, but the entirety of all Dunmer by accepting these men and beasts into her home and heart. Letting these n'wahs into her heart, but locking _me_, Valen Dreth, out of it, like there's any contest between us! I can't believe I wasted months of my life fruitlessly pining for her, only for her to betray me. Next time we meet, I'll show her what she was missing-

What was that? I perk up, taking a few steps closer to the bars that jailed me to investigate the noise coming from across my cell. The new prisoner shifts in their bedroll, still facing away from me. They pull their head up from beneath the covers, revealing a mass of thick, white hair in a messy bun; bits of dark skin peeking out from behind it. Could it be? It is! A Dunmer! Female no less! What luck it is for me to be blessed with a woman in the last few days of my sentence. Azura herself must've heard of the injustice done against me and given me a gift. Heart racing as I push my face against the bars, I scan what little I can see of her, reveling as I eye my prize, placed barely outside my reach. If only I could get her in here. Wait. One of the guards owes me a favour. I could levy that to get us put in the same cell, together, alone. The thought of it excites me. It's been so long since I've been inside a woman, felt the touch of one against me. I'll treat her nice. I'll make sure to have some fun with her before I leave.

She worms her way out of her bedroll. Even in the terrible clothing they gave her and despite the darkness of the prison, her figure is well-defined and perfect. She moves to sit on top of it, yawning and staring up at the window. I knock on my bars, hoping to get enough of her attention to catch a glimpse of her face. Her head snaps around to face me. What a beautiful face she has, behind the several scars that marred her flawless skin. What a… wait. I know those eyes. I _know_ this face. I've seen this girl before, but where? Is it… no. She never had scars. This must be one of those rare times where I'm mistaken. Even if she had been scarred up, she wouldn't be here. She wasn't capable of crimes against the Empire. She loved them too much. She loved them more than she ever had loved me.

Her eyes connect with mine. I can tell she's surprised, stricken with fear as I want her to be. "V-Valen?" she coughs out. That voice, and her knowing my name, are the final pieces of the puzzle. I couldn't deny it any longer.

"Good morning, my dear Mirili," I respond sweetly, a smile across my face.

"I'm _not _your dear and I never _will be,_" she snaps, inching backwards.

"We'll see about that."

"Wh… what do you mean?" The fear in her voice is _erotic. _

"One of the guards owes me a favour. I could get us put together."

"You… you can't-"

"I can. I'll make you mine, no matter how hard you fight it. It's been eleven years. Don't I deserve at least some of your love?"

"_No_."

"Its not your decision anymore. I gave you a chance to take me willingly, but you wanted to do this the hard way, didn't you? You… you _had_ to do this to me, didn't you?" I grip the bars, holding them tight enough to break them. "You knew I was the best man for you, yet-"

"The best man for me wouldn't stalk me and hurt my boyfriend!"

"Is that who that thing was? Can't believe I loved someone who lets animals fuck her."

"You disgust me, Valen."

"You disgust _me_, Mirili."

"And yet, you want to rape me."

"Its not rape if you want it, you know. Face it: deep down, you would _love _it."

"If you dare touch me, I'll-"

"You'll what?" She thinks she can get the _guards _on her side? How naive. How pathetic. I'm the closest thing she has to a friend she has in this place. "Tell me. What _will _you do? Get the guards?" The incredulity makes me laugh. "Like they'd _care _what I'd do to you! If you're lucky, maybe an _Imperial _will _fuck _you instead. Would you like that? I'm sure they'll be gentle with you. They always treat the pretty ones well. "

She's silent for a short while. "I'll… I'll kill you. I'll get out, and I'll kill you." she growls out.

"How? There's only been _one_ person to escape here. What makes you think, after however many years since then, _you'll _be the next one? Accept it, Mirili. You're going to _die _in here. _You're going to die._"

She grits her teeth at me, wordless as she scuttles back against the wall. Through that tough exterior, I know she's yearning for me, fearing me, loving every second of being around me. At least someone here knew what I was capable of. She'd be more of an idiot if she didn't. A collection of footsteps echo from upstairs. Guards. Maybe she'll get her wish. Maybe I'll get mine. Either way, they're coming down here. Sounds like they're in a rush.

"You hear that?" I say, smirking, "That's the guards. They're coming for you!" I let out a small laugh. Her death, her rape: I'm delighted to witness either.

"Shut up!" she bites back, ready to say more, but suddenly goes silent.

I hear the reason why. The door out of here unlocks, followed by a woman's voice. "Baurus!" she demands, "Lock that door behind us."

"My sons…" comes another voice, aged and shaken, "...they're dead, aren't they?"

Finally, they come into view. Azura, is that the Emperor? I rip my eyes away from Mirili and focus them on him. It… it is. Both the woman, Redguard, and the other Imperial are dressed in a full set of gold, silver, and blue armour. Blades, if I have to guess. "We don't know that, Sire," she continues, "The messenger only said they were attacked."

"No, they're dead. I know it." The Emperor's sour tone comforts me. The Empire is in trouble, and the possibility of their collapse excites me.

They stop in front of my cell. "My job right now is to get you to safety."

"I know this place… the prison?"

"Yes, your Majesty. Beneath the Legion Compound. We're headed for a secret passage known only to the Blades. No one can follow us through here."

The woman looks around, making brief eye contact with me before turning to Mirili. She's taken aback. "What's this prisoner doing here?" she spits, turning to the Imperial, "This cell is supposed to be off-limits."

"Usual mixup with the Watch, I-"

"Nevermind. Get that gate open." She motions to Mirili as the Imperial unlocks the door and they step inside her cell. "Stand back, prisoner. We won't hesitate to kill you if you get in our way."

Meekly, she whispers out a "Yes ma'am," before getting up and standing against the wall.

"No sign of pursuit, sir," says the Redguard.

"Good. Let's go." She pushes in a block, revealing a hidden passage. Now they'll _have_ to put her with me! "We're not out of this yet."

She stands to the side, giving a slight nod to the Emperor. Before he can pass through, he stops and looks as Mirili. Is he ordering her execution? Something more? I find out as he says "You… I've seen you. Let me see your face." He pauses, scrying her features. "You are the one from my dreams. Then the stars were right, and this is the day. Gods give me strength."

I step back into my cell. She's… she's been in the Emperor's dreams? Damn it! She's going to escape me again. After so long without her, they give her back jus to rip her from me. Damn you, Azura! Damn all the gods! You tease me with her, you _know_ how much I need her, yet you keep her out of reach. Is this some sick game, to kick me back down when a shred of hope comes back into my miserable life? Do the gods _like_ watching me suffer? Do you _like_ watching an innocent man get kicked back down over and over again? Answer me, damn it!

But no one says a word to me. Only to her. Only about how special _she_ is. What makes her so special, hm? There's plenty of other Dunmer whores out there, most with less of a temper than she does. She's nothing, _nothing_, without me. Look at her. She can barely defend herself. Without me, there's going to be many men that will take advantage of her. But they're all better than me, aren't they? Any n'wah is better than Valen Dreth, right? No matter my talents, no matter how much I've _cared_ for her, she'll fuck everyone but me. Was watching out for her too much? Was fending off that beast too far? When I get out of this prison, she'll be wishing she accepted me sooner. She'll be praying, crying, begging me to take her back. I've not yet made up my mind on whether it would feel better to give her another chance, or to slit her throat and watch her drown in her own blood. I'll make that decision when I'm free. And if I _do_ kill her, I'll make sure no one, _no one_, finds her body.

I tune out of the conversation. Not like I want to hear the rest of it. I slink back into my cell, spectating the situation from the darkness. I'm always in the shadows when it comes to her. Never good enough. She has no idea what good is. All of Nirn doesn't know what good is. If they did, I wouldn't be in an Imperial prison, my should-be wife slipping through the walls into the hidden subterrane with the Emperor and his Blades, and me, the _one_ who should be in that other cell, left to rot a few more months. Like a corpse emaciating for a necromancer to reanimate. Is that what they see me as? Do they know who I am? Don't they know _I _deserve to escape more than she does? I can do so much good for Nirn. I have so much to offer, so much expertise that will waste away in here. Don't they care about what they've done by keeping me here, away from the world?

Oh, who am I kidding? They don't care about the greater good. All Imperials care about is exerting their dominance over others and tearing cultures in two. Mirili doesn't care what I could offer her. No one cares about Valen Dreth, do they? I'm another prisoner, a face in the crowd that people pass over. Always passed over for someone less deserving. What is it about everyone else that makes them skip over me? What do they have against me? Am I missing something everyone else has? Is this some cosmic joke that everyone gets but me? There can't be anything wrong with me. I've done enough reflecting in my time here to realise that. No one wants to give me the respect I deserve. I am invisible, only seen to be belittled. No one knows who I am.

Now, I'm alone. Alone as I always am. My one hope torn from my grasp. The one shred of happiness I found here now whisked away to places unknown. And yet, I'm still here. I'm still in the same damn cell I've been in for years. Same four walls, same floor, same flickering torchlight, same sunlight through the same window taunting my eyes with freedom as it always did. My world sinks back into unwelcome familiarity. I was so close. I was so close to freedom. Yet, as soon as the opportunity came, it fled. I sit back down, back against the wall furthest from the bars, letting my head fall into my hands. I sigh, resigning myself back into loneliness and captivity. I'm caged like the animal they think I am, but they're wrong. They're all wrong. They _will _know who I am, if its the last thing I do.


End file.
